Mid Life

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a
great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great
menopause will be . . . Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and
would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or
maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.


Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives
us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We
are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can
see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is
the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective . You start pondering
the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved
ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that
you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply
have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my
philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10
pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's
why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting this.)