Alternatives to Swearing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter
INSTEAD OF:
She's a b___ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late:
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f____ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh___ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF SAYING:
Tell someone who gives a sh___.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f___ problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the h__ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He don't know sh___.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh___ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a___.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a___.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF :
Who the h__ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr__ck.

19) TRY SAYING:
That's not how I would handle that.
INSTEAD OF:
If he talked to me like that, I would kick his a___!

Thank You,
Human Resources