Putting Your Affairs In Order...

A woman went to her doctor.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some badNews.
You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk intoThe
Waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
"Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and weCelebrate
When things don't go so well.
In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to theClub
And have a martini."
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.There
Were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by
Some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the twoWere
Celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
"I've been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over andWhispered,
"Mama, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told
Your friends you were dying of AIDS."
The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your
Father after I'm gone."
That's "Putting Your Affairs In Order".

When God Created the Earth

God was missing for six days.. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it.. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Washington State, one of the most glorious places on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There's another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there.