Why Why Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw
a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it
down to give the vacuum one more chance?

</ B>Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your

first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all
right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That
really
hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage
to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer
when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three
best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

~~~Now send this on to your friends and make them smile too!~~~

****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!****

Putting Your Affairs In Order...

A woman went to her doctor.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some badNews.
You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk intoThe
Waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
"Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and weCelebrate
When things don't go so well.
In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to theClub
And have a martini."
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.There
Were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by
Some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the twoWere
Celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
"I've been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over andWhispered,
"Mama, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told
Your friends you were dying of AIDS."
The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your
Father after I'm gone."
That's "Putting Your Affairs In Order".

When God Created the Earth

God was missing for six days.. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it.. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Washington State, one of the most glorious places on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of software."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There's another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there.