Being Greek

**American Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents
**Greek Kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married...unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.

**American Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.
** Greek Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry or rearrange the furniture.

**American Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.
** Greek Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the fruit trees. And if there are no fruit trees, he will plant some!

**American Parents: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be ok plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.
** Greek Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight...plus they get fed.

**American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done.
** Greek Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done...cash deal, knowwhatImean?


**American Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and get only cake and coffee, no more.
** Greek Kids: Will come over for koulourakia and coffee and get salad, feta, bread, few bottles of wine, a choice of two meats, potatoes, a nice dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after dinner drinks...time permitting there will be a late lunch as well.


**American Kids: Think that being Greek is a great thing.
** Greek Kids: Know that being Greek is a great thing.


**American Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.
** Greek Kids: Are the reason you have no food.


**American Kids: Will say 'hello".
** Greek Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, pinch your cheeks, and pat you on the back.


**American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
** Greek Kids: Call your parents Thea and Theo.

**American Kids: Have never seen you cry.
** Greek Kids: Cry with you.


**American Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
** Greek Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together.


** American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
** Greek Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.


**American Kids: Know a few things about you.
** Greek Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

**American Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
** Greek Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.

**American Kids: Would knock on your door.
** Greek Kids: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

**American Kids: Are for a while.
** Greek Kids: Are for life.


**American Kids: Will ignore this.
** Greek Kids: Will forward this.

Getting Old

• I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


• Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."


• The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.


• Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So
  you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?


• I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
  driver's license.


• A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"


• An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."


• My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


• Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.


• I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.


• It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee-makercake.
  


• The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.


• These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."


• I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."


• Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.


• Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!


• Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.


• THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.




• Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.......




• --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?

Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and
Watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the
Comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, Hello, son is your Grandma home?

The little boy replied, Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend. The minister fainted.

Womanhood

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 40 can fit into their stuff.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say thing s like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him!


I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

Celebrate Womanhood! Share this with all of those amazingly brilliant and tremendously talented women who are intelligent enough to call YOU their friend

The Chinese Newlyweds

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is not too experienced either. On the wedding night, she gets naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting juss anyting you wan. Wha chew wan?" he asks, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently(and eagerly)for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan try someting I hear about ...numbaa 69".More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries... "You wan... chicken wiff broccori?

Dog Attack

Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "A brave New Yorker saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not from New York" the boy replies.

"I'm visiting from Kentucky!"

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet".

Friends

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, "Let's cry together,"
another, "Let's fight together,"
another, "Let's walk away together."

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.


But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair
pulled back,
or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
those are your best friends.


It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several...
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on all days.......your sister Morning Angels
and on some days, your daughters.

So whether they've been your friend for 30 minutes or 30 years,
AND ONLY IF YOU'D LIKE TO,
pass this on to the women that God has placed in your life
to make a difference.