After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me
to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.
She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman
loves you and would Love to spend
some time with you."
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner
and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects
that a late night call or a surprise invitation
is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend
some time with you," I responded "just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I woul d like tha t ver y much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's
"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear
about our meeting."
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant,
was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm
as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu.
Her eyes could only read large print. Half-way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother sitting there s taring at m e. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded. During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined. An attach ed no te said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me.
"I love you, son"
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I love YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till some 'other' time.
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.. somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.
Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first... somebody doesn't have
two or more children.
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is la bor and delivery...somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."
Somebody said a Mmther can stop worrying after her child gets married... somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home... somebody never had grandchildren.
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her... somebody isn't a mother.
Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life and to everyone who ever had a mother.
This isn't just about being a mother; it's about appreciating the people in your lives while you have them... no matter who that person is!
&nb sp;
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch yo ur wo rds, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes...
your destiny.
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle".
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Work vs. Prison
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
@ PRISON You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell
@ WORK you spend most of your time in an 6X6 cubicle
@ PRISON You get three meals a day, fully paid for
@ WORK you get a break for one meal and You have to pay for it
@ PRISON For good behavior, you get time off
@ WORK For good behavior, you get more work
@ PRISON The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK You must carry a security card And open all the doors yourself
@ PRISON You can watch TV and play games
@ WORK you could get fired for watching TV and playing games @ WORK
@ PRISON You get your own toilet
@ WORK you have to share the toilet with People who pee on the seat
@ PRISONThey allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK you aren't even supposed to speak To your family
@ PRISONAll expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK you must pay all your expenses to go To work, and they deduct taxes from Your salary to pay for prisoners
@ PRISON You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK you spend most of your time wanting To get out and go inside bars
@ PRISON You must deal with sadistic wardens
@WORK They are called "managers"
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails
Women Drivers
This morning on the 101, I looked over to my left and there was a
WOMAN in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her
face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much;
I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against
the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell
into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers
WOMAN in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her
face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much;
I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against
the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell
into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Pennies
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America "
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?"
"No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?"
"Yes!"
"And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!"
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America "
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?"
"No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?"
"Yes!"
"And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!"
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Little Carol
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
Fairy Tale
One day -- long, long ago -- there was this woman
who did not whine, nag, and bitch....
But this was a long time ago.....
And it was just ONE day.
The End
who did not whine, nag, and bitch....
But this was a long time ago.....
And it was just ONE day.
The End
Menopause Jewelry
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big friggin' red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big friggin' red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Friends
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card - Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -
I will know you are plotting something that I just have to be involved with.
4. When you are scared -
I will rag your sorry ass about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -
I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath....
I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
1. When you are sad -
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -
I will know you are plotting something that I just have to be involved with.
4. When you are scared -
I will rag your sorry ass about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -
I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath....
I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Pricey Diamonds
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that t he salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the
price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that t he salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the
price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Hot Chocolate
A group of graduates, well established in their
areers, were talking at a
reunion and decided to go visit their old university
professor, now retired.
During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints
about stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into
the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass,
crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to
help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: 'Notice that
all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source
of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing
to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and
in some cases even hides what we drink.
What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously
went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider
this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups.
They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change
the quality of life you have.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God
has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make t
he best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously.
Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
areers, were talking at a
reunion and decided to go visit their old university
professor, now retired.
During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints
about stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into
the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass,
crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to
help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: 'Notice that
all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source
of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing
to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and
in some cases even hides what we drink.
What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously
went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider
this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups.
They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change
the quality of life you have.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God
has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make t
he best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously.
Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
Woman's Poem / Man's Poem
WOMAN'S LOVE POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong, one who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks, one who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to
"How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with Huge boobs who owns a bar
on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and hunting.
This Doesn't rhyme and I
don't give a crap
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong, one who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks, one who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to
"How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with Huge boobs who owns a bar
on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and hunting.
This Doesn't rhyme and I
don't give a crap
Cartoon Character Personality test
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?
A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.
Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.
Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done.
Then forward this to all your friends ( including the person who sent it to you ) and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Goi ng to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts )
e) Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)
5 What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)
8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween(1 pt.)
b) Christmas(3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving(5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain(5 pts)
c) Las Vegas(1 pt)
d) Hawaii(4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you.
Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield:
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you ' re never out of style , you are good at knowing how to sati sfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.
(24-28 points) You are Elmo:
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optim istic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would n ever not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(44-50 points ) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less overthinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
Now don't spoil it! Have some Fun!! Change the subject of the email to what you are and send it on.
A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.
Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.
Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done.
Then forward this to all your friends ( including the person who sent it to you ) and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Goi ng to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts )
e) Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)
5 What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)
8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween(1 pt.)
b) Christmas(3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving(5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain(5 pts)
c) Las Vegas(1 pt)
d) Hawaii(4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you.
Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield:
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you ' re never out of style , you are good at knowing how to sati sfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.
(24-28 points) You are Elmo:
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optim istic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would n ever not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(44-50 points ) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less overthinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
Now don't spoil it! Have some Fun!! Change the subject of the email to what you are and send it on.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful
in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top
of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released
- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful
in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top
of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released
- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now...
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Religious Maxine
Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me, if you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila.'Miraculously, a parking place appeared.She looked up again and said, 'Never mind. I found one.'
As I've Matured
As I've Matured...
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do isstalk them and hope they panic and give in...
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are justjackasses.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for naturalstupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't workingin your house, one of your kids did it
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows,maybe something good will happen. If not...tough!
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do isstalk them and hope they panic and give in...
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are justjackasses.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for naturalstupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't workingin your house, one of your kids did it
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows,maybe something good will happen. If not...tough!
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