HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

· When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray at work.

· When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.

· When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.

· When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him...... You need to pray at work.

· When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work.

· When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need to pray at work.

· When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"........ You need to pray at work.

· If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at work.

· If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story ......You need to pray at work.

· If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray at work!

LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS

Alternatives to Swearing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter
INSTEAD OF:
She's a b___ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late:
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f____ way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh___ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF SAYING:
Tell someone who gives a sh___.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f___ problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the h__ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He don't know sh___.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh___ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a___.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a___.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF :
Who the h__ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr__ck.

19) TRY SAYING:
That's not how I would handle that.
INSTEAD OF:
If he talked to me like that, I would kick his a___!

Thank You,
Human Resources