Being Greek

**American Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents
**Greek Kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married...unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.

**American Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.
** Greek Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry or rearrange the furniture.

**American Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.
** Greek Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the fruit trees. And if there are no fruit trees, he will plant some!

**American Parents: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be ok plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.
** Greek Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight...plus they get fed.

**American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done.
** Greek Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done...cash deal, knowwhatImean?


**American Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and get only cake and coffee, no more.
** Greek Kids: Will come over for koulourakia and coffee and get salad, feta, bread, few bottles of wine, a choice of two meats, potatoes, a nice dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after dinner drinks...time permitting there will be a late lunch as well.


**American Kids: Think that being Greek is a great thing.
** Greek Kids: Know that being Greek is a great thing.


**American Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.
** Greek Kids: Are the reason you have no food.


**American Kids: Will say 'hello".
** Greek Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, pinch your cheeks, and pat you on the back.


**American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
** Greek Kids: Call your parents Thea and Theo.

**American Kids: Have never seen you cry.
** Greek Kids: Cry with you.


**American Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
** Greek Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together.


** American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
** Greek Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.


**American Kids: Know a few things about you.
** Greek Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

**American Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
** Greek Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.

**American Kids: Would knock on your door.
** Greek Kids: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

**American Kids: Are for a while.
** Greek Kids: Are for life.


**American Kids: Will ignore this.
** Greek Kids: Will forward this.

Getting Old

• I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


• Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."


• The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.


• Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So
  you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?


• I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
  driver's license.


• A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"


• An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."


• My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


• Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.


• I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.


• It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee-makercake.
  


• The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.


• These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."


• I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."


• Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.


• Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!


• Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.


• THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.




• Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.......




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